Cultural Negotiation

I have been in Korea long enough to pass the honeymoon phase of cultural adjustment. I simply don't notice the bright lights anymore. And more than that, I have come to realize that there are some things I seriously dislike about this culture--like crowded subways and exorbitant coffee prices, for instance! And on a deeper level, I hate indirect communication and "saving face" and unsolicited advice and the focus on personal appearance.

I know I sound judgmental, but I struggle to express my observations in any other way. Someone told me this is the negotiation phase of my culture shock. It's the time for nitty-gritty conversation with the culture about its values and methods and seemingly incoherent ways of dealing with the world. It's time for me to tell the culture that even though I understand on one level, I cannot bring myself to the level of understanding that leads me to adopt many of its ways. And I must tell it that there are some things which absolutely disgust me.

For instance, 61.5% of all Korean women between 25 and 29 have had some kind of plastic surgery. Advertisements for beauty products flood the streets. Parents offer plastic surgery to their high school children as graduation gifts. Women go on crash diets all the time, but people rarely talk about eating disorders or emotional disorders. Businesses can refuse to hire based on appearance, and everyone who applies for a job has to attach a picture to their resume.

And I don't understand why when there is a conflict, it's not polite to talk to a person directly. A third person is always the go-between.

And I don't understand "noon chee," this mind-reading ability you are supposed to have to allow you to know what other people are feeling without asking them.

And I don't know why middle-aged married women seem to feel they are free to offer unsolicited advice (criticism, according to American perspectives) to anyone they want.

But somewhere along the line last week, I realized something important, something that might help me through this cultural negotiation. In America, there are many different ways to do things and seemingly as many different standards as there are stars. (And of course, that causes many problems in its own right.) But in Korea, there is only the right way and the wrong way. Double eyelids and a big nose are beautiful. Single eyelids and a flat nose are not. Period. No questions asked.

I am deeply saddened by some things I see in this culture. I am deeply frustrated by others. And despite all these, there are some things I have learned to like and appreciate.

So here's the beginning of my negotiation conversation with Korean culture. We'll wait and see what we can work out...